sometimes I worry that I've lost the plot

I have to do this more often...I live a rather uneventful life but it seems that a lot happens when I don't consistently update.

Nikki and I split up just over a week ago-we just couldn't make ourselves and each other happy at the same time. It's been a rough week emotionally-physically awkward because we remain in the same apartment and probably will for a month or so. It's been much better the last few days-not so awkward and the conversations are much more respectful for the most part. I think we're both much less stressed out now...in the end it will be good for both sides and that's what matters. I'm hoping to maintain a positive relationship with her daughter, Addi, who I've helped to raise thus far. We shall see how that pans out...I fear that as my role in Addi's life diminishes, so too will her memory of who I am and how much time we spent together in her infancy. As long as she grows up happy I think I'll learn to deal with it.

My grandmother died on the 2nd of July-yet again, I feel like an utter asshole for not getting my ass on a plane and going out there to see her. I have given up on yet another opportunity to show my family that I'm in support of the family as a unit (even though I really don't understand most of them).

Nikki, Addi and I went to the local festival for the 4th of July-it was more for Addi than anyone else. We arrived just in time for the parade...my first ever. A fading role in Addison's life finds me grasping for events like this-it was a nice experience overall. Turns out, they go all "dyslexic Halloween" and throw candy to the crowd, so Addi now has enough candy to keep her artificially wound up for weeks...we spent quite a while in the petting zoo feeding goats-she's a true girl (she didn't like getting her hands licked by the goats). I think she had a good time and that's all I really cared about...she was a little cranky because the poor kid is cutting molars so she's drooling like a basset hound after a ridiculously long run.

I've had a lot of time to think about my situation...life, school and work. I'm plenty okay with where I've wound up but I still find myself unsatisfied with the rate of progress. I should be finished with school by now...I should have a house with a drum kit, a fish tank and a freakin' lawn to mow. I want a bathroom to destroy at 3am should I be inspired to remodel my house by one of those home make over shows on TLC. I want to sit on a deck and trade stories with a neighbor over a beer...is this classified as "nesting"? I feel like a bird...flying around looking at trees for a place to call my own.

What is the plot of my life? How does the next chapter start?

Getting older is both comforting and disturbing at the same time...