New year, new experiences, I guess.
My 85 year old dad disappeared for a few days right around the new year. He lives alone in an apartment that's 2 hours away from my sister and no one had heard from him for nearly a week which is odd because he's got scheduled calls with my younger sister's mom, my older sister and unscheduled calls with me. Being a man in his age with age related health issues, my younger sister became increasingly concerned in his silence.
After some back and forth about 'What if...?', she called the local police to do a wellness check on him AND decided to make the two hour drive down to his apartment. Halfway into her drive, the police called her to say that they made contact and he was fine (but a little salty they woke him up). She continued on and wound up spending the next day with him - replacing a phone he'd lost, buying him food and making sure he's in okay condition. A full 24 hours later, she drove back home.
At the end of the month, my little sister called to say that he was in the hospital after he fell in the parking lot of the grocery store - which happens to be directly across the street from the hospital. He was convinced he'd had a stroke but they cleared him through testing. He'd simply passed out and/or lost his balance and fell. They kept him for a couple of days for observation and released him and he returned to his apartment on Friday. Trouble was, he'd lost his phone in the fall and was dropped off at his apartment without a phone. On Sunday, he called her from the apartment manager's phone, asking her to come down and help him out. After some back and forth, I sent money to my sister to rent a car and drive down to his apartment so she could buy him a phone, take him to the store, etc. She couldn't go for a couple of days (Tuesday) but made it down there - only to find out that he'd fallen in his apartment the day before and spent the day laying on the floor because he didn't have a phone and couldn't contact anyone. He'd also missed a doctor's appointment. So, she got him another phone (3rd one), took him to the grocery store and made sure he was okay...and then drove two hours back home.
Flash forward 2 days (to today) and he's back in the hospital - he'd suffered a heart attack at 1am but had a phone and called 911. The hospital called my sister to let her know...and they're unlikely to release him for a few days while he rests. They've assigned a social worker to him, who is most likely going to suggest that he go into a care facility as his mobility is severely limited and there's no one nearby to care for him. The sisters and I have discussed and agreed that he's likely going into a care facility near my sister who lives near him - moving him closer to her will reduce the stress on her via 4 hours of driving. My other sister lives real close - we might hop on a plane and go help get him situated and settled - albeit last minute once we find out what his social worker says.
It's rewarding to know that while none of us have the same mother or grew up together, we are able to come together and formulate a plan to support one another AND the father none of us really knew as kids. He wasn't there for any of us because he left each and every one of our mothers while we were very small...but we'll be there for him while he's kicking and screaming about how he doesn't want to live (anymore) or with other old people...but he's got no other option at this point. We're going to take care of him in spite of the fact that he couldn't be bothered to do that for any of us when we needed it most. We're determined to be better for him because we're better than him when it comes to caring for others...coming together to do more for him when it's least convenient as evidence that we've broken the cycle.
It might sound crude but none of us has any doubts that his remaining time is limited - he's in failing health with rapidly deteriorating mobility for a variety of reasons. It might be a month or two, it might be a day or ten but it's unlikely to be a year.
Why is this post titled "Everclear", you ask?
Art Alexakis nailed it when he wrote the lyrics to the song "Father of Mine" because it very aptly describes how I felt as a child all the way into the years when I became a parent.
Father of mineTell me where did you go?Yeah, you had the world inside your handBut you did not seem to knowFather of mineTell me what do you see?When you look back at your wasted lifeAnd you don't see me
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