"...when someone you know becomes someone you knew"

My mother has been scattered across three counties in Southern California - places that held some significance for her - in some way. I'm not sure if there's any of her left.

I didn't ask because, well, frankly, I'm not interested in having her around to remind me of a childhood I'd rather forget. I'm neither upset nor holding a grudge - I'm ambivalent about her relevance in my life. In some cases, hearing her tell me that she loved me was all I needed to keep going...but her repeated abandonment of me physically - often right after telling me that she loved me was really confusing and I didn't realize it until a couple of decades later.

It's odd how much of who we are is predetermined by our parents - little traits and habits and reactions to things you've never experienced but the decision feels oddly familiar...because I watched one of my parents have the exact same reaction years...decades earlier.

My two aunts, a cousin, my wife and son and I met at a Japanese garden for 20-30 minutes to chat. As soon as we got there, I realized I'd been there once with my mother 40 years earlier. After that short visit, we met at a local restaurant for an early dinner - lots of discussion, memories and reminiscing about things that happened before half the people at the table were born. I finally got to put a name to the old couple I flew to Sacramento to visit when I was really little - I have two core memories from that trip - an old guy who got out in the middle of the night and was located 5 miles away in a suit at 3am, sans pants. He went by "daddy Don". I planted marigolds in a wooden flower box next to their front door and my mother took a picture. No one who saw that picture would realize the significance of it because it was very plain - just a photo of marigolds in a wooden planter. I was super proud of myself at the time.

I thanked my aunt again - she's been amazing in her handling of my mother's affairs and making sure things went according to plan. 

On a completely different day - I got together with some friends and found some motivation to work on my car again - so once the bathroom from hell is completed - I'm switching to landscaping and my project car...it's long overdue.