Nothingness haunts being

Fourteen months.  That's how long it's been since I was cut loose.  Feels like fourteen years.  I'm losing value in the working world by the week.  The longer I go without working - the less valuable I am.  No one says so but it's implied - a poorly kept secret in the working world.

The resume rewrite and 'rebranding' had minor effect on my overall situation - I have been to ONE interview and have had a few phone screens but nothing has come of any of it.  I'm still wandering aimlessly - wondering about my overall value to the rest of my world.  I'm adrift in a sea of people with purpose.

I'm wasting daylight wandering aimlessly in hope of being found by (or finding) purpose.  I waste restful sleep by searching for someone to listen, understand and guide.  I don't read enough.  I don't smile or laugh as often as I used to - I'm getting harder inside as I get older.  I'd always wanted to get softer as I got older - those are the people we remember with a smile.  The hard ones are rarely remembered unless they come up in conversation.  "Remember Aunt Joan?"  "Yeah, she was a crusty ol' bitch!"  She won't be remembered for her cookie recipe or the poetry she wrote...or that she donated blood and old clothes to help others.  Why?  Because she was hard inside.  That sucks.