The CSCP course and I have what I'd call a 'love/hate' relationship. It's mostly me loving/hating the course as my progress is as bipolar as is possible for a set of books to be toward a person.
I've got less than two weeks to convince myself that I'm ready for the test-it's on the 8th of November. I manage to do very well in some areas and terrible in other areas. I've got to figure out how to get my head around the terrible areas and make them good areas before the test comes around. In more definitions than one, I can't afford to fail this test.
When I overwhelm myself with expectations (which is often), I often wonder to myself: "Where is all of the time that I had when I was younger?" You know, when my friends were in college, racking up student loans that they've paid off by now...
I honestly don't fucking know. It's just...gone. And then, I lose more when I remain still -pondering just where it is that all of this time and opportunity has gone. I'll never know and that's probably a good thing.
I sold my road bike a couple of weeks ago. It was tough to do because I'd convinced myself that, one day, some day, I was going to get back on it and ride it. But in the 13 years I've lived out here, I've been on the bike maybe, maybe, ten times. It was just time to cut the emotional ties, free up some space in the garage and move on with reality.
I need to figure out how to make 'spending more time riding my bike' a reality. I'm down to one bicycle for the first time in my adult life...unfortunately, bike riding, like playing the drums, are both backseat events that likely won't happen for a while.
That's just the reality of the situation right now.
I've got to figure out how to tackle this monkey in my living room before he decides to take a shit. If I can't reach that 'milestone' then I've definitely got to get to it before he starts throwing it around the room.
Background Tune: "If It's The Beaches" by The Avett Brothers.
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