Foreigner

What does that word mean to you?

It means a few things to me-and on some occasions, it means more than that...

It means being out of my element and not knowing how to react, act or converse with those around me-similar to being in another country-even if I'm a town over from my own.  Or it means being in a different country.

It means wondering who I'll be and how I'll be as a parent when that day comes.  My girlfriend and I, with two others, attended a hockey game last night.  There was a couple (around my age) in front of us with their son-he was about 11 or 12 years old.  I wondered what kind of people they were before they had a child...if they had that boy together or if one of them married into the family.  I wondered how raising a child has changed them, together and apart...I wondered if they'd do it again given the same result.  I had one short (2 years) experience with parenthood, and while I don't have that role anymore, I'd like to think that I did a pretty good job while it was available to me.  I want to do that again with my own child(ren).  It seems that the older I get, the more emotionally secure and strong I become, and I want to experience the tender moments of youth before I'm too old to remember them or connect those experiences to my own.  I secretly wonder how much time I have left...I suspect I've got a while.  I also wonder if my girlfriend realizes how much I think in abstract terms during rather normal events (like watching a hockey game/concert).  If she did not-she does now.

After the game, the band, Foreigner, played a full set (almost two hours).  The couple in front of us stayed for the duration of the concert with their son.  I wondered if, by the time I have a kid/kids old enough to do that with, if I'll actually do it.  I'm pretty sure I will...but I can't help but wonder about who I'll become in fifteen years.


Things are changing all around, seasons, temperatures, styles, thoughts, beliefs, conversations, interests, hopes, fears, dreams, abilities...

...I hope I can keep up.

Background Tune: "How To Be Dead" by Snow Patrol