Someone has to eventually win the lottery but that doesn't mean they aren't an idiot for playing.

those words can apply to so many things that happen around me...I got caught 'daydreaming' and slipped into something I can't describe but I know that it's made me rather...well, apathetic.

Time is something that I used to be pretty good at managing-it was the one thing that allowed me to do many things in one span and nail every single one as expected.  Now, I find that I can't meet a single self-imposed deadline-no matter how 'optimistic' or 'realistic' I attempt to be...it just doesn't fit.

I am at the 3 month mark at my job-out of one probationary period and into another (there are two for some reason).  Today is the first day of my second period and I've already made it further than the guy who was here before me.  Big whoop.  I met with the three people above me in the last week to talk about my progress-one said I was doing 'too much', one said I wasn't doing 'enough' and the third has waffled between the other two.  I was also told today that I am not 'excited enough' about being offered a FT position with the company.  I'm not sure what they expected-should I have polluted myself with the news?

The person who, yesterday, told me that I was doing 'too much'-took the time to tell me today, in essence, that I barely got the job because I couldn't effectively 'change everything' without 'changing anything'.  Uh, what?  Let me go draw a Venn Diagram so I can figure this out.

[pause]

Yeah, still doesn't make sense.  Maybe I'll try it again later.


Doesn't change the fact that this is the first time I've heard that I'm not doing something in a way that contributes to the overall forward motion of the company.  Makes me think I chose the wrong company-maybe at the wrong time...who knows.  Apparently, it's not working for either side.  Shit happens, I suppose. I tend to believe, maybe wrongly, that they've been stuck in 1985 mode for so long that they don't know how modern companies operate.  Anything is plausible, I suppose.

I'm finishing college in February 2011-and that alone should give me a little more 'leverage', although in this economy there are millions of BSBAs looking for work so I have to be honest with myself.  There comes a time when you have to decide which part has to sacrifice-the 'money' or the 'life' and right now, I feel like I'm doing a little of both.  I'm tired of being frustrated...and frustrating others who matter more than my 'job'.

Eh...Call me grumpy, but screw this story.

Background Tune: "Arena" by VNV Nation  (yes, I know it's played out...but I need the message)