absence...

It's been a trying week...and it's not half over yet. Figuratively, I'm compelled to punch kittens, reaching limits within to which I was previously unaware.

Trying to take full-time classes, work full-time at a job that requires more than full-time involvement and remain sane is proving to be quite the challenge for me.

I'm rounding out the final week of classes tomorrow. I took a final last night and discovered that in spite of missing half of the classes due to work obligations, I could essentially fail the final exam and still get a "B". Not the "A" I push myself to achieve, but not bad. The second class is far more of a challenge-I'm treading water with a "B" right now and having just blown a quiz during week 7 with a 65%, I'm a bit concerned about the final exam, which accounts for 25% of my grade. If I blow this final I'm fucked...not only will I be off of the Dean's List (for which I no longer care since I don't know the Dean at my school and I'm fairly certain she doesn't know me...) but I will have wasted precious money taking the class...not to mention the landslide of disappointment I'm bound to bury myself with as a result.

For this struggle alone-I hate my job...I can't seem to find solace among all of the chaos right now and it's eating at me in the corners.

I want to enroll in the next session and get myself that much closer to completion...but the other part of me says to take a break-lest I fail to find a point where I can breathe again. I've been holding my breath for something all my life...but I'm deciding to look beyond the imperfections in others...and, more importantly, in myself. It's high time I cut myself some slack...

...I need a vacation before I turn into one of those people you read about in the newspaper.

Background Tune: "While You Were Sleeping" Elvis Perkins